am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
