If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
