Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
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