you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize
