I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
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