i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize
