im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Randomize
