she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
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