i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I wish I only lived at night.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
