Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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