you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
