The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Randomize
