Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
