just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I love you. Go after that dick
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
