Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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