dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
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