I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
