im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
