im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
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