Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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