I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Found the puke drawer
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
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