Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
