9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
