You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
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