he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
