so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I love you. Go after that dick
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
