I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
