It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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