she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
