everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Randomize
