Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
