no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
