I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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