I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Randomize
