he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
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