all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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