Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
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