im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
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