Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
