wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
