I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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