He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
