so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!�
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Randomize
