I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
you mean i was at the winter classic?
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
We smell like vodka and hangover
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