I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
