I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
