what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
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