just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
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