Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
