Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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