K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
