my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
