Where is the hickey?
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
