my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Randomize
