I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
