so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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