got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
